This is not the Weekend Article. This was a Review that I wrote two years ago for a blog called TheYoBox.com (Not around anymore). Anyway, the movie was brought up on String Burn LIVE this morning, and I thought that you guys might enjoy the first yo-yo related review I ever wrote, now here at my permanent home at YoYoSkills.com
Yo-Yo Girl Cop is a Gyroscopic Flop!
Evil terrorists assemble a mass suicide. Website instructing teenagers how to build bombs. Overacting and a story line more complicated than the origin of DC’s Hawkman. Who do we call upon? How about a recently deported teenager with martial arts skills whose mother is being held by the CIA in New York for possible treason? Naturally.
I recommend a flow chart when watching this movie. There are more story lines in Yo-Yo Girl Cop then a handful of dvd’s in the Wal-Mart dollar bin combined. If you are watching this movie on the hope of great yo-yoing, get your yo-yo out and entertain yourself because there is surprisingly very little yo-yoing in this movie.
The story begins with a secret undercover police officer, a teenage girl of course, running through a Japan center with a bomb strapped to her. She does what every good cop in a bad movie does; runs directly into the most crowded part of the city and explodes. I guess that’s what happens when you arm a cop with only a yo-yo
Introduce the protagonist played by Aya Matsuura, a Japanese Pop Star (Link to Music Video = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyVEcB1-j9Q ). Wheeled in, Hannibal Lector style is the recently deported Asamiya Saki. She was arrested and deported after fighting with American cops as they arrested her mother under suspected espionage charges. The accepting special officer/detective/jerrycurl named Kira offers her a deal. Saki’s service for her mothers freedom. There is a website called ennolla-gay.net that the Japanese Government can not shut down, and is telling kids how to build bombs and kill themselves. To top it all off, the web site has started a countdown, promising a mushroom cloud event in 72 hours. The detective apparently has some information that the site is related to a private academy which is apparently off limits to cops.
Saki is given an anime style school uniform, you know, so she’ll stick out, and armed with a yo-yo. On her first day at the academy, she meets an girl named Taie, who, after a long ordeal and confusing arrangement of flashes, tells her that she and her girlfriend created a website called Verona. Verona.com was a web site for all the kids that were bullied could come together and be emo or something. Taie’s girlfriend got brainwashed by the main villain “Romeo”, and tries to suicide bomb the schools administration office. Verona turns into ennolla-gay and the site turns to a “How To” forum for suicides and chemistry bombs.
Assisting in the spread of the evil website, is the worst of the bullies, Reika. (think evil head cheerleader) Guess what, she has a yo-yo also, and actually does a few tricks. Pinwheel, and around the world. It all comes to a big group suicide meeting where “Romeo” has convinced Taie to take revenge on the bullies and suicide bomb the suicide meeting. She reveals a bomb vest, and everyone starts running. (Huh? I thought it was a suicide group!)
Saki gets free of her own suicide vest, which she was strapped in after getting the crap kicked out of her, and gets the vest off of Taie, throwing it into the air just before the explosion.
Big Reveal! The Website and Suicide Cult was just a ploy! Romeo really wanted to rob a bank! The suicide cult was just a diversion. The get the money and go underground. Saki decides it is time to get serious and puts on a leather armored tight suit that leaves little to the imagination. All geared up and ready to go, Saki marches directly into the secret hideout and comes face to face with the evil Reika. Big Reveal Again! Reika is a Special Undercover cop also, she is just a bad cop who apparently likes bondage. What commences next is essentially a yo-yo ninja mash up. Blades coming from yo-yo’s, long yo-yo stings, and ninja counterweights. Saki eventually defeats Reika by pulling a pipe structure on top of her, using the yo-yo like a Bat-A-Rang grappling hook.
Next we see Saki take on machine guns, and martial arts with her yo-yo, several times blocking bullets with the yo-yo in hand. Big Reveal! Romeo has Taie and two other underdeveloped characters bound, gagged, and planted with bombs. Saki challenges Romeo, who is wielding a sword, and proceeds to get her yo-yo string cut and butt kicked. One cool scene did happen here, where Saki catches the sword in the yo-yo gap.
Big Reveal! Romeo pulls off a wig and is… some blond haired kid. I don’t understand the significance of this, but it must be significant because everyone is shocked. In a few more seconds, he gets beat by Saki’s stringless, motor driven yo-yo and then explodes. Yo-Yo girl has saved the day, and…. BIG REVEAL! Her mother used to be a yo-yo girl cop and the detective Kira may or may not be her father! Wow, complicated. They even managed to dialog hints at a sequel.
Overall, Yo-Yo Girl Cop, which I am to understand is the 4th rendition of the character movie, is extremely passable, and kind of embarrassing. I feel like I need to hide the dvd case in a brown bag, worried that someone might see me with it. In the 108 minute movie, about 15 minutes are yo-yo related, and most of the time the yo-yo is seen high thigh as she reaches for the yo-yo holster under her plaid skirt. Surprisingly there is quite a bit of vulgar language in this movie. Not exactly what I would expect for a movie with the word “Yo-Yo” in the title. Should you rent this movie? If you want to see Japanese chicks ninja yo-yo fight, go for it. Save yourself some torment and just skip to the last two chapters. Trust me, I am saving you the pain of tracking four story lines through bad dialog and only partial subtitle support.